Out Wailing In The Rain

Her mind lives tidily, apart
From cold and noise and pain,
And bolts the door against her heart,
Out wailing in the rain.

Dorothy Parker (1893 – 1967)

Source: Sunset Gun, 1928.

This quote spoke to me. It is me. The way I usually deal with stress or anything that causes me pain is to push it away. Pretend it isn’t happening until it stops. I bolt the door on the pain and live apart from it. It works until things start seeping through the cracks. Because I can’t contain it forever. That’s my usual method. But for today, I’m not doing that.

I read a post yesterday by Kevin, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. I can’t even begin to touch the first photo and story from his post. It’s just too huge and ugly and painful for me to grasp. It’s not that I’m locking it away as much as that I lack the ability to put so much pain into words.

But the video at the end, that I can deal with. I know how I feel about that.

I hate this war. I hate that my friend worries about her daughter Liz every day because she’s in Baghdad now. I hate that there are families all across the world that worry and fear for a loved one like my friend does. The sacrifice and courage shown daily by Liz and all her fellow soldiers amazes me. And it terrifies me as well. Are we worth that? Can anyone be worth that?

This isn’t a rant against the politics of the moment here in the United States. I don’t have the knowledge or experience of world politics to assume that I can say the war is right or wrong. It doesn’t even matter if I voted for or against the current political leader. None of that will change the past.

Watch the video and see the people that are in harms way because of what we’ve allowed to happen. Watch the video and pass it on. This isn’t one of those emails that profess undying patriotism as a disguised way of declaring a political view. This is beyond politics.

Find a way to pass it on.

Out Wailing In The Rain

Her mind lives tidily, apart
From cold and noise and pain,
And bolts the door against her heart,
Out wailing in the rain.

Dorothy Parker (1893 – 1967)

Source: Sunset Gun, 1928.

This quote spoke to me. It is me. The way I usually deal with stress or anything that causes me pain is to push it away. Pretend it isn’t happening until it stops. I bolt the door on the pain and live apart from it. It works until things start seeping through the cracks. Because I can’t contain it forever. That’s my usual method. But for today, I’m not doing that.

I read a post yesterday by Kevin, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. I can’t even begin to touch the first photo and story from his post. It’s just too huge and ugly and painful for me to grasp. It’s not that I’m locking it away as much as that I lack the ability to put so much pain into words.

But the video at the end, that I can deal with. I know how I feel about that.

I hate this war. I hate that my friend worries about her daughter Liz every day because she’s in Baghdad now. I hate that there are families all across the world that worry and fear for a loved one like my friend does. The sacrifice and courage shown daily by Liz and all her fellow soldiers amazes me. And it terrifies me as well. Are we worth that? Can anyone be worth that?

This isn’t a rant against the politics of the moment here in the United States. I don’t have the knowledge or experience of world politics to assume that I can say the war is right or wrong. It doesn’t even matter if I voted for or against the current political leader. None of that will change the past.

Watch the video and see the people that are in harms way because of what we’ve allowed to happen. Watch the video and pass it on. This isn’t one of those emails that profess undying patriotism as a disguised way of declaring a political view. This is beyond politics.

Find a way to pass it on.

This Blog Thing

Yesterday, I came across something from a post by Lena/Cheeky Lotus over at ClubMom:

When I hear people ask ‘Why would I want to read a blog? Why would I care about someone’s online diary?‘ I want to scream and shake them. ‘Because we need each other!’ ‘Because some days we’re your lifeline!’ ‘Because you will see yourself reflected back and it will make you a better person!’

That’s why.

And I get that. The first two don’t really apply to me, but they seem to be doing a whole lot of good for Moms and Dads in the blogsphere. It has to help to know that you’re not alone in feeling like you want to scream (or throw something, or need a time out).

That last one though, it kinda sorta fits me. When I rambled on the other day about reading books, I said:

I really like getting a sense of how it would be to live in someone else’s shoes. Show me what it feels like to be someone different than me. Show me what I’ve missed or could never have or be. Show me that I’m just like everyone else at the core and we all need, want, and feel hurt/love/anger/joy.

Blogs do that for me. Sure, the writing is sometimes not as put together or polished as you find in published books and novels. * But blogs are immediate and raw. I hurt when someone on my reader goes through pain, and rejoice when things turn around or something fantastic happens. Through blogs, I’ve learned a little about what it would be like to be a mom, struggle against infertility, have heartbreaking things happen, be young and attractive and annoying, live on a working ranch, be a world traveler, be someone other than an American, suffer from celiac disease or ADD or depression or bi-polar disorder.

I struggle sometimes with my voice on here. I still really have no idea what I want this place to be. I don’t fit most of the major categories. I’m not a Mom/Dad or an aspiring writer. I pointed all my friends and some family here before I even thought that maybe I’d like to vent about them. ** It’s cropping up more and more lately – the struggle with why. I’m pretty good at distracting myself with something shiny so that I don’t have to deal with it, but it keeps coming back. I keep putting off a blog redesign (sorry Snøskred – your offers of help are really, really appreciated) because then I’d have to figure out why I’m doing it.

For now, I’m content to keep going as I find things to say. And content to keep adding blogs to my reader. ***

* Sometimes. I’d put some of these blog writers up against a book author anyday. And bet on the blog writer.
** Oops. You don’t want to know how many drafts I’ve got that I can’t ever publish.
*** I’m at 119 as of today. Help me.

This Blog Thing

Yesterday, I came across something from a post by Lena/Cheeky Lotus over at ClubMom:

When I hear people ask ‘Why would I want to read a blog? Why would I care about someone’s online diary?‘ I want to scream and shake them. ‘Because we need each other!’ ‘Because some days we’re your lifeline!’ ‘Because you will see yourself reflected back and it will make you a better person!’

That’s why.

And I get that. The first two don’t really apply to me, but they seem to be doing a whole lot of good for Moms and Dads in the blogsphere. It has to help to know that you’re not alone in feeling like you want to scream (or throw something, or need a time out).

That last one though, it kinda sorta fits me. When I rambled on the other day about reading books, I said:

I really like getting a sense of how it would be to live in someone else’s shoes. Show me what it feels like to be someone different than me. Show me what I’ve missed or could never have or be. Show me that I’m just like everyone else at the core and we all need, want, and feel hurt/love/anger/joy.

Blogs do that for me. Sure, the writing is sometimes not as put together or polished as you find in published books and novels. * But blogs are immediate and raw. I hurt when someone on my reader goes through pain, and rejoice when things turn around or something fantastic happens. Through blogs, I’ve learned a little about what it would be like to be a mom, struggle against infertility, have heartbreaking things happen, be young and attractive and annoying, live on a working ranch, be a world traveler, be someone other than an American, suffer from celiac disease or ADD or depression or bi-polar disorder.

I struggle sometimes with my voice on here. I still really have no idea what I want this place to be. I don’t fit most of the major categories. I’m not a Mom/Dad or an aspiring writer. I pointed all my friends and some family here before I even thought that maybe I’d like to vent about them. ** It’s cropping up more and more lately – the struggle with why. I’m pretty good at distracting myself with something shiny so that I don’t have to deal with it, but it keeps coming back. I keep putting off a blog redesign (sorry Snøskred – your offers of help are really, really appreciated) because then I’d have to figure out why I’m doing it.

For now, I’m content to keep going as I find things to say. And content to keep adding blogs to my reader. ***

* Sometimes. I’d put some of these blog writers up against a book author anyday. And bet on the blog writer.
** Oops. You don’t want to know how many drafts I’ve got that I can’t ever publish.
*** I’m at 119 as of today. Help me.

Short Takes

“You know what I really like about my car? It never runs out of windshield wiper fluid.” “You do know that I fill up your fluid everytime I fill up the Jeep, right?”

“No, that’s not c** coming out of my nose piercing, you freak. It’s dried skin.”

Short Takes

“You know what I really like about my car? It never runs out of windshield wiper fluid.” “You do know that I fill up your fluid everytime I fill up the Jeep, right?”

“No, that’s not c** coming out of my nose piercing, you freak. It’s dried skin.”

Today’s Motto

I’ve gotten this in several emails lately and it just reminded me of how I’d like to live:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOOHOO what a ride!”

Today’s Motto

I’ve gotten this in several emails lately and it just reminded me of how I’d like to live:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, “WOOHOO what a ride!”

Attack of the Quotes

The universe does not have laws, it has habits and habits can be broken – Chinese Fortune Cookie

Is it just me, or is that suspiciously like “There is no spoon”?

I got this last month in my fortune cookie. It doesn’t really get any better when you do the “in bed” thing, but it appeals to the rebel in me.

Just a quick post on the last Saturday of NaBloPoMo. Wheeee!

Attack of the Quotes

The universe does not have laws, it has habits and habits can be broken – Chinese Fortune Cookie

Is it just me, or is that suspiciously like “There is no spoon”?

I got this last month in my fortune cookie. It doesn’t really get any better when you do the “in bed” thing, but it appeals to the rebel in me.

Just a quick post on the last Saturday of NaBloPoMo. Wheeee!